That moment when you thought you knew, the who, what, where, when and why you’re here, then in a flash it’s gone. The feelings of insecurity sweeps in slamming the door to feeling good, causing everything to crash and burn around you.
For us sensitive souls we need to take care when stepping out in the world and crossing paths with all kinds of characters and personalities. It was only a few years ago when I had the honour of experiencing direct narcissism. I will circle round to my meaning of ‘honour’ in a moment.
I feel every harsh word; my cells vibrate from sharp piercing eyes and every criticism trembles deeply in my soul. Over the years I have grown some seriously tough armour to persevere and continue on my merry way guarding my heart and protecting my receptive soul. I still have off days when all I want to do is migrate to a cave high in the Himalayas and not have to deal with the onslaught of self-induced expectations, self sabotage and narcissism.
My open, naive and receptive heart only assumes the best in everyone but when the same actions are repeated again and again my assumptions that they really are a good person are shattered. Although I had known this person for a while I actually didn’t know her at all. Looking back at it now, this experience was (once again) another fierce initiation and push into branching out on my own and no longer hiding in someone else’s shadow and for this I am honoured. I needed that full force thrust in a direction I had been avoiding regardless of how I wanted it to happen.
Sure we can blame Mercury retrograde, the moon or a specific karmic cycle we are going through but from a practical perspective we actually have no idea.
I sense a weird prickly sensation in my belly when something is off. When something is not quite right and not 100% in alignment with my sensitive spirit. Too easily we gloss over these sensations, push through and ignore what our bodies reaction is according to the psychic energy penetrating our field of awareness. Would you ignore the petrol light flashing in your car? What about the red light at a crossroads? It’s the same thing!
I know this cycle too well. Being a highly passionate, motivated and creative sensitive individual, I have been known to push and push so much which has lead to crashing motorbikes, totalling cars and literally been stopped in my tracks by unknown forces and reason beyond my control, leaving me in a state of absolute shock and feeling so blind and plain stupid for not listening or noticing the signs. The medicine from these traumatic experiences is potent but if we don’t stop, realise, recognise and acknowledge our current state there is no way we can learn from it.
We need to find a middle ground to walk and live from. A place where we can stay humble and open to these warning signals and not feel the need to run and hide from ourselves or self centred, narcissistic personalities. It is too easy to be frustrated and feel like life is conspiring against you. Before we know it the inner dialogue of doubt and confusion have unpacked and we begin to believe the stories of how we are not good enough and that we need to sign up for another training, quit our job / get a real job, lose weight and be someone we are not. We disconnect from our authentic self and feel angry at the world for not hearing our prayers and not noticing our exhausting dedication and effort on this path.
For the most part we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react and the choices we make. Trust in what you do know, reach out when you need help and admit that living a purposeful, heart centred, high vibrational life is challenging and can’t be done alone. Use the tools that you love, meditate daily, write till your hearts content, dance instead of walk, talk and share with others or go on retreat and surround yourself with like minded people. Find an avenue that does support your evolution to bring you back in alignment and on track. To live authentically and in alignment with our purpose we must understand our personal values, have integrity and honour the lessons as blessings along the way no matter how you are feeling.
Act Now to End the Struggle
My annual Refine Your Art retreats are like no other (I have done my research). They are purely dedicated to serving your specific needs and work in the world. Did you know it also includes a 1:2:1 consult with yours truly to help anchor in some clear intentions for the week? Plus we send out a detailed questionnaire to understand your expectations and write a bespoke manual for you to work through during our time together? Well we do! We address the struggles and successes that are all part of the journey and cannot be avoided. This offering is part of my work in the world, being of service and supporting others to thrive creatively for fills one aspect of my dharma. I invite you make a step in the right direction by reaching out for a discovery call to see if joining our circle in September is in alignment with your work in the world. If you are smiling and nodding to yourself while reading this post, please know you are ready, you are worthy and it is your time to shine.